Yoga and Enlightment

Early last week, my dear friends (the bycicle giving ones) came up for a visit.  They are very familiar with the Northern California region, yet had never been to Sonoma proper.  We spend some quality time at our home, I showed them my favorite thrift shop and Mexican restaurant, and then we went to check out  the plaza.
They recently found out they are having a baby. As we browsed in one of the shops I decided to gift my friend a Prenatal Yoga video to help her overcome some anxiety that she is experiencing as a mother to be.  As I was getting ready to pay, I spotted the last issue of Yoga Journal Magazine and quickly grabbed it and added it to my purchase.
I am a subscriber to that publication, and every month, I eagerly await its arrival.  I never know when exactly it will show up, so it's always a pleasant surprise, and I cherish my time to read it, reflect on some of the articles, or even practice it's monthly "home practice" routine. Yoga Journal is part of my practice, and in lots of ways, it's my therapy.
With our move to the West coast, there was a gap in my delivery service, and I hadn't yet received this issue, and was not positive if it would actually arrive.
Being that my husband and I are on a rather tight budget, buying a magazine that I might actually receive in the mail is not very sensible, or something I would usually do.  But my peace of mind had been shaky lately, and my worrying voice had been way louder than usual, so I was yearning for those therapeutical readings and practices, and decided it was worth the risk.
That night, I started reading. I hadn't even gotten past the first pages, the editor's letter, when I was already gaining so much from this issue, I realized it was worth the few dollars extra it cost me. As she spoke about being grateful for life itself and everything that we get with it, she wisely made reference to the fact that if we really think about it, "the stuff I sometimes complain about "having" to do,  is actually the stuff I "get" to do."
It was a giant slap in the face. As the active person that I am, there is always something I have to do.
My husband often jokes with me by calling me a hummingbird or a bumble bee. Even though I enjoy most of the things I self appoint myself to do, I sometimes find myself dreading the fact that I never have time to do nothing.  Even now that I am unemployed.  Reading that letter I realized that I have just been looking at it in the wrong light.  I don't have to do these things : I get to do them. I went to sleep that night a little more at peace than the night before feeling grateful for everything I had/got to do.
The next morning, I decided to switch up my practice and try out the home practice from this issue.  As I prepared for it by reading the suggestions on what to do before and after the session, I read : " Set your intention to trust that everything unfolds as it should when you loosen your grip and allow yourself to be open". WOW! As my worrying voice had been nagging me lately, I tried to remind myself to trust with breathing exercises and friends and family's pep talks. This was the final straw.  I read the words again, this time focusing on them as well as my breathing, and immediately felt my muscles relax and my worries dissolve into the realization that I do trust, that things will work out, that I have to loosen my grip and allow myself to be open.  It is usually not possible to be open if we are tense and preoccupied in an active manner.
Definitely worth the extra couple of bucks.
That night, calm and relaxed, I read the mantra section of the issue: "When you recognize the power of Sri within you, it leads to contentment no matter what your circumstances. (...) No matter how much time, money and love you have, you will always feel as though it's not enough until you can evoke and honor the sri within you. When you do this, what you have feels like more than enough."
 Again, so worth the extra bucks.  I work very hard on quieting my inner chatter: I meditate, I practice asanas, I breathe, I read and write, I cook (which to me is the best therapy in the world), I talk to friends, I vent, I think, and lately I even garden. But sometimes, everybody needs a little extra help to get things done. This issue of Yoga Journal Magazine, was my little extra help. 
I am eternally grateful for that snap decision, that made me quiet my worries about money, and reach for that collection of shiny pages on the stance. By quieting my negative thinking for a few seconds, I got the tools I needed to quiet them for a longer period of time.  As with everything, practice makes perfect, and although perfection in yoga is kind of an oxymoron, by practicing regularly, I can see the benefits slowly but steadily open themselves to me, as I allow to open myself to them.
Oh, and by the way, I never got that issue in the mail!