It seems that this is happening more often, not just to me but to everyone I know as well.
This year, on my birthday, I received the least calls I ever have, the least emails, the least letters in the mail. My parents, grandparents, brothers and some aunts remembered, my in laws (although they sent my present a month too soon) a few local friends, my three best girlfriends from childhood, and maybe one or two others, and that was about it. Even though that is a lot more than many people usually get, calls and emails I am used to getting year after year never arrived. The saddest part is that it didn't make me sad. It didn't make a difference. The fact that these people had forgotten a date that they once held close to their hearts, as the day someone they love was born, did not mean that they didn't love me as much anymore. Or did it?
About three weeks after my birthday, I forgot my friend's birthday. A few days before it I thought: Franklin's birthday is coming up. Then the 27th came and went, and I didn't even know it was the 27th. One could argue that because I am not currently working it's easier to forget the date. However, the combination of everyone who forgot mine, and all the ones I have forgotten, makes me think there is something more to it.
I used to be so good about remembering every one's birthdays. I can actually still rattle off the dates of birth of some people that have long left my life. Yet somehow, one of my friends didn't get a call, or an email, on his day. Just as I didn't get many calls on mine.
When I was a young girl, I used to make a list of everyone who would call me for my birthday. It wasn't so that I could keep track of who didn't, but more so because it amazed me who would call year after year, and who called one year and never again, and who called some years and not others. These lists represented my social circle throughout time.
This year, I heard a friend made such a list, but unlike me, it was to keep track of who didn't call. I was on it.
I can't help but think that age is to blame for all of this. The older we get, the more we "have to do", the more likely we are to forget things and or dates that were once really important to us. On any given day we have to look for a job or go to work, pay rent, pay bills, clean the house, feed the cat, cook dinner, stop by the bank, and countless other essential tasks. If there are kids involved in the equation then there is also usually lack of sleep and feeding, bathing, and shuttling them to and from their day's activities.
How the hell are we supposed to remember someones birthday we haven't seen in a year?
The answer is by being present. Although I wish to make excuses for forgetting my friend's birthday, and although I don't feel any sadness, anger or anything negative towards my loved ones who forgot mine, the truth of the matter is, the real reason for forgetting is lack of awareness. We didn't take the time to realized what day it was, to maybe look at the calendar and see whose day it was, to pick up the phone, or write a line or two.
We are not old enough to blame it on "old age". Most of the people who did remember mine were much older than me and than the ones who forgot.
We need to take control of our lives by being conscious in our actions. We must practice the art of slowing down, and maybe even smelling the roses. Hopefully, if we do it every day, it will come natural, like taking a shower, or brushing our teeth, or going to work.
And hopefully, with our newly found presence, we will remember joyful dates in our loved ones lives.
Because the truth is, even if we don't resent the people who forgot about our special day, we are always so happy to hear the voices of the ones who remembered. We also need to realize that in our day to day, these little things that we don't feel are as important as they once were, are actually the essence of a joyful life. After all, "it's the little things" right?
So on that note, I encourage you all to look at the calendar and see whose day it is. Maybe pick up some flowers or cupcakes and go give them a hug. Maybe they won't hold it against you if you forget, or maybe they will. Regardless, they will appreciate it if you remember. Trust me, we all do.
And last but not least I wish you all a very happy non birthday, and many more to come.
