Most people who know my husband and I well enough, will undoubtedly describe us as city folks. We love walking as our main method of transportation, we love cheap ethnic eats, people watching is one of our favorite hobbies, and the conveniences that most cities have to offer, as well as their diversity, are just priceless to us.
However, the truth is, we are both country folks at heart. We have been patiently waiting for the opportunity to have a garden. To hear the birds singing, to hear the crickets at night. To see the stars, to go fishing, to take an afternoon hike: to be outside.
We both love nature, we are kind and compassionate towards all animals (with the exception of cockroaches for whom I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever), we are respectful of the land and of everything that grows in it, and we always literally take the time to admire and smell the roses.
However, I hadn't had one good night of sleep since we moved here. As I lay in bed at night, listening to said crickets and the silence that is a background to their song, I somehow managed to be disturbed by every little noise that arose. I hear the wood expanding. I heard random "bangs" downstairs. I heard our very large cat's footsteps on the carpet, coming up the stairs, going down again, his tail thumping on the floor, or his loud meowing whenever he heard or saw any other animal outside. I heard EVERYTHING. And everything kept me awake. When I did manage to engage in some pranayama (breathing exercises) and put myself to sleep, I was quickly awaken by the next note of the night's orchestra. I heard something strange in my husband's breathing, or the cat snoring, or something unrecognizable that prompted an unfamiliar fear in my gut, and in that fashion, the night would go by while I listened to it.
Mind you, we used to live in San Francisco. The level of noise pollution in that city almost counteracts the beauty of it. The bells of the charming cable cars will quickly get on your nerves when you have to listen to them day after day, the fog horns, the MUNI buses, the loudest fire trucks and ambulances you will ever hear, let's just say, not very relaxing. I slept just fine there for six years.
We also lived in Boston for over a year. Our apartment was in the North End, the historic Italian neighborhood. Not to be stereotypical but Bostonians are not the quietest type, and when you add the Italian element to their heritage it gets exponentially louder. I slept just fine there as well.
So what is it then? Or I should say, what was it? Last night I finally slept. I slept well. I feel rested this morning for the first time in weeks. Unfortunately it will not be easy to figure out what the problem was since there were five variables in question.
Trying to set myself up for success I decided to switch sides of the bed with my husband. I had been sleeping on the left side for a long time, but when we travel, I usually choose the side based on which one is closer to the bathroom. I had made the same choice in this house, so I decided to give my old regular side a try. However, a few other things happened as well: my husband fell asleep on the couch, so for the first part of the night, I had the bed to myself; the cat didn't make a peep all night long; I didn't change our pillows when I changed sides so I ended up sleeping with a different one than usual; and last but not least, I had a job interview yesterday.
So... Was it just one of them, or a combination of all that finally allowed me to sleep?
It's hard to say. But the more I think about it, the more I have to wonder how much of my subconscious was at play all those restless nights. When I heard noises, I didn't wake up and worry about money, or about being unemployed, but as I said, I did have an unfamiliar fear in my gut. Maybe that fear was prompted by my daytime worries. Maybe I couldn't relax at night because I spent the day tense. Maybe our emotions affect us more than we care to give them credit for, and they become a vicious circle. The more I worried during the day, the less I slept during the night. The less I slept during the night, the crankier I got during the day, and the more prone I was to negative feelings and emotions.
I didn't really think about it. Even now as I reflect on it, I'm still not positive. It was just an interview. I still don't have a job.
Even though I am not 100% on what the main factor that made it happen was, I will cherish all of them. I will change our night stands today and appropriate myself of the left side once again. I will keep my new pillow. I will put the cat in the garage if he wakes me up at night, and I will even have my lovely husband fall asleep on the couch if I have to. But most importantly, I will give some credit to my emotions, and I will work on practicing a little more meditation and yoga, to calm myself not only on the conscious level, but on the subconscious one as well. Maybe the noise wasn't really outside, but in my own head after all.
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