We are finally settled in our new home. We really did live in Boston, and we really did leave Boston. I am currently not working, and although as my husband says, I am a darn good "housewife" I have started to get impatient about finding employment.
I didn't even realize it. All of a sudden, this terrible feeling had completely taken me over. It was on my skin, in my blood, in my every thought and action. I was going a million miles an hour and had absolutely no time to waste. I also had no idea. That's the thing about impatience, sometimes it just creeps up on you, without you noticing it. It starts very slowly, ironically enough with lots of patience, so as to acclimate itself to your being and you to it. Then one day, it's there, a part of you. And it has completely changed you. That is unless you take the time to scan yourself regularly for behavior changes, in which case you will eventually spot it. Everywhere.
I spotted it this morning, as I was getting ready to go out for breakfast with our friend Ray. He had come to visit from the city, as we have still not made it down there. I was trying to pick out the right outfit, then put on makeup, matching jewelry, and then I went downstairs and realized it was so much colder than I thought it was. So, I should go change since I was wearing a summer dress. No, I shouldn't! It will be fine...I have a jacket. I don't have time to change! He will be here any minute!
Well, it took him longer to get here than my impatient self had thought it would. So I waited, still in my summer dress, still cold. Then he got here, we went out for breakfast, and I remained cold. Stubborn, impatient, and cold!
We had a lovely visit, and he was kind enough to drive us around to do some errands since we still don't have a car. One of those errands consisted of getting a few herbs to perk up our yard.
This is my first attempt to keep a garden. When I got home with my compost, my potting soil, my herbs and some larger pots for existing plants, in my same impatient manner, I immediately got to work.
I turned the soil, I shoveled, I raked, I sweat. I planted the little purple flowers that we choose as ground cover. I scavenged around the yard for more rocks and made a little fence for our newly planted area. I read somewhere that peppermint likes part shade so I planted a few of them as well in that space.
I replanted the hot pepper. I filled an old half wine barrel with soil and planted thyme, basil, sage, lemon verbena and oregano in it. Time went by and I was completely unaware. I was being as present as I could. Gardening away. Thinking of how I had never done this before. Of how great it was. Of how amazing it was that I had found all those stones right there in our yard. And then it hit me. I had to be patient now. This was as much as I could do. How slow or how fast the little purple flowers were going to take to cover that area was entirely up to them. And there is nothing I can do about it but enjoy every step of their journey.
In the same way, how long it will take for me to find a job is out of my control. I look everyday to see what's out there. I apply to everything that I feel I can do. And I have no choice but to wait.
My lesson in patience comes with the realization of what I can and should do with my time while I wait.
So I cook everyday and enjoy the bounty of delicious fruits and vegetables that are available right now all over California. I do Yoga for longer than I'm used to, and mostly in the yard. And I have decided I will also write. Maybe once I am so comfortable in my routine that I have forgotten that I was looking for a job, a fulfilling job will find me.
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