Followers

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Spring Cleaning

My relationship to food could be described as a lifelong, deep, loving friendship.  Since I can remember I have loved to eat.  Although as I child I definitely had my fair share of items in the "I don't like" list, as years have gone by, I have come to appreciate almost everything as far as food is concerned.
Other than a few teenage and young adult diets in my past, I have never believed in depriving my body of  delicious wholesome foods. When others are concerned about too much fat and skinless chicken breast is their go to protein, I am comfortably enjoying bacon, butter and pork belly without any guilt.
I am however, rather strict about  processed foods and meats and vegetables raised and grown with pesticides, chemicals and antibiotics, or in other ways that are harmful to the animals themselves, the environment, and ultimately, humans.
So, I use my knowledge and other tools provided to me by years of cooking, research, and the luxury of living in Northern California, where all these beautiful, sustainably and humanly produced foods are available, to make conscious choices for my nourishment.
That being said, there are a few things that I do feel I consume a bit more than is probably healthy.
The main one is Sugar. Although we go back and forth about natural sugar versus corn syrup and other artificial sweeteners, the fact of the matter is, no refined sugar is actually good for you. And an even stronger fact is: they are in everything. On any given day, we consume a much higher amount than we should, mostly without even noticing it.
I also cannot function properly without accomplishing my daily morning ritual of a hot cup of Dominican coffee (with at least 2 full teaspoons of raw cane sugar) while I read Newsweek or Yoga Journal and slowly wake up and get ready for my day.
As far as alcohol is concerned, I don't have a hard time at all leaving it out of my diet, but at the same time, I don't usually go more than a few days at a time without at least a glass of wine or a beer.
So, in an attempt to give our bodies a fresh start this Spring, a friend and I mutually recruited each other to go on a detox cleanse together.
Because of my beliefs in food as nourishment, I would only agree to one in which we are only depriving ourselves from the "bad" foods, and where we can eat all we want of the "good" ones. That way, while our bodies are going into shock from lack of caffeine or sugar, we are at least still properly nourished, and our caloric intake is still appropriate for our daily expended energy.
It is actually rather simple: for three days, only eat fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes and nuts. Olive oil (and other nutritious vegetable and nut oils) salt and spices are accepted for seasoning.
We each had to choose three "toxins" we wanted to avoid during the cleanse. I choose Coffee, Sugar and Alcohol. She choose Alcohol, Coffee and Chocolate. At the end of the three days, we are free to reintroduce anything we want into our diet, or, if we feel we want to prolong it, keep going with the cleanse for as long as we wish.
It is currently the morning of day 2.  Although I haven't technically broken any rules, I feel like I have cheated a bit.  As far as the sugar is concerned, I have stuck to it. Same with the alcohol.
The coffee however, is another story.  I had the hardest time waking up yesterday.  My head was foggy and I felt almost drunk experiencing low energy and uncoordinated movements.  At about 2pm I started to get a headache.  Although I used to be prone to very chronic ones, as well as occasional migraines, I must happily report it had been months since my last one.  Every hour that went by, it got worse and worse...Pounding, throbbing....Around dinner time, I could barely walk, talk or open my eyes.  That's when I decided I had to take a pain killer.  Although it kind of defeats the purpose of a detox to willingly pop a little pill full of toxins into my mouth, I knew from my history, if I didn't take anything, it would not go away, at the moment, or the next day.
I laid down for an hour or so, and I waited for it to take effect.  As is started to dissipate a little, I got up, finished my dinner, and went to sleep.  I woke up around 6 this morning, with a faint pain still in action.
That's when I decided I would cheat yet again.  If I am planning on reintroducing coffee right away after my three days are done, then why put myself through debilitating pain? So I had a cup of green tea this morning.
A little less caffeine than my cup of delicious Dominican coffee, but hopefully enough to prevent me from getting another headache.  Almost instantly after finishing it, the little pain remaining started to slowly evaporate.  A I write these words, I am definitely still a bit foggy, but at least I am not in pain anymore.
There is a wonderful Yoga teacher who says that how you practice your yoga, is how you do everything in life. In my practice, I have learned to be open minded. I practice 6 days, but my day off is not set: I allow the week, my life, and it's casualties to inform me of which day I need to take that rest the most.
I don't plan what type of practice I will do on any given day, instead I let my body and mind, as well as my emotions, tell me what it is that they need. I don't push myself, I listen from within.
   The old me, would have dealt with that horrible headache, and strictly avoided all caffeine, no matter how much pain or discomfort it brought on.  I am happy to report that the present me, is a little more compassionate to itself.  Life is short, and you never know when it will be over.  What's the point of giving my body a break if while doing it I force it into excruciating pain that doesn't let it function?
So I enjoyed my cup of tea, and I will have another tomorrow.  On the other side of it, eating only fruits, vegetables and grains has made me feel great.  Maybe at the end of tomorrow I will choose to keep going with it for a few more days.  Maybe I will stick to green tea instead of coffee for a few more.  It's hard to say, as I am not sure what my body will be telling me in the future.  All I know, is no matter what it is, I will listen.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Accepting the unexpected.

Nothing about today was what I expected.  It was a day full of simple little deviations on the plan. I woke up later than usual. Instead of relieving my bladder first thing after getting out of bed, I smelled poop as soon as I stepped into the bathroom, and after sniffing around for a few seconds found the culprit: a nice pile of rather soft cat shit behind the toilet.
 Instead of saying hi to my husband with a quiet hug while we waited for our coffees, I went in the kitchen to get the paper towels and cleaning spray...Then I cleaned up some soft shit...Some nice, stinky, runny shit...
I sent some emails before I did yoga. I worked out before I cleaned. I had lunch before I normally do.
Then I ran some errands. I answered the phone to find out my friend's parents are getting a divorce. It was hot and muggy instead of cold and rainy outside. I ran the errands, got home, planned my yoga class for later that afternoon. My husband got home, got inspired and invited our friends over for a drink. It was nice to see them. We talked, and before I knew it it was time for my yoga class and the phone was ringing.
My student/friend had brought a painting I had commissioned her to do. It looked nothing like I had expected it to, but I fell in love with it immediately upon laying eyes on it.
Class went by faster than I could explain. And afterwards, we sat and talked, and somehow ended up hanging out for over two hours. There were unexpected fried chicken sandwiches our friends had brought over earlier, so we had dinner, some wine, and talked about our lives, our art, our families, our relationships.
Wednesdays are normally not like this, but our talk, and our hanging out, was just what the doctor ordered.
The day had been so different, yet I had accepted every second of it. I didn't try to fight any of the derailing, I just focused on being present and dealing with everything one step at a time. In the end, it ended up being a wonderful day, perhaps because I was so present and accepting.
As I thought of my day, I thought of relationships, and how we have such a hard time accepting the unexpected when it comes to family, friends or even significant others.
I once had a friend name Michelle. I made a mistake, hurt her feelings, and lost her. I beat myself up, I asked for forgiveness to no avail, and tried to practice acceptance for myself, for my mistakes, for my imperfections and the fact that I had simply fucked up. It took time, and lots of energy, but eventually, I let go and forgave myself.
Today, as my friend and I talked about mistakes and regrets, I thought of Michelle. I realized, that just like today, what happened between her and I was unexpected by both of us.
Nonetheless it was life, and we are humans, living life. And humans are not perfect. We make mistakes, and our strength is not in preventing them, but in how we react to them.
I realized, that just as our past relationships and the mistakes we make in them, teach us a little more about ourselves, about what we need in a relationship, and how to become a better version of ourselves maybe our past friendships and the mistakes we make in them, do the same. 
We live, we learn, we grow, and somehow we are more open and prepared for the people we will meet along the way. Maybe, the end of some friendships makes room for new ones, just like the end of a romance frees us for another one.
Loosing Michelle was painful, but I learned from my mistake, and as I chatted with my friend today  and in all honesty we revealed some of our deepest fears  I realized that something unexpected was happening yet again: I might have lost Michelle, but it seemed like I had found a new one.